quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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