Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
