So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
