listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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