Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
