I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize