So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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