i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
