Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
