In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
