capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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