Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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