dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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