I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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