Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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