i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
