I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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