this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
