Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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