Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
