either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i think i have two assholes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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