Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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