She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
whose parrot is this?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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