Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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