hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
