I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
