It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
no you cant smoke seaweed
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
