My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
