I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
