I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
