youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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