why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
