went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
