Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
