Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
