Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
