it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
