Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
