im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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