I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
