Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
