brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
