I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
