Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she woke up with a sticky ear
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
