Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
