bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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