I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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