Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
