my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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