are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
