I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
