so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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