A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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