You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
