At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
