your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize