I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
