it was like his penis was on wheels.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
