my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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