I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
