i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
