i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
