Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
